How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
