She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
