Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize