We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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