Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
