I want to walk on stilts...naked
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
