We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
