All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
