The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
