I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize