so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
