Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
