This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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