Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
