Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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