I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
