I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
