nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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