get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
