he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm both gender and math confused
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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