P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
So here I am, sexting at work.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
