someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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