I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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