Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
