babies were throwing up all over the place
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
