is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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