I'm drive I can fine osifer
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
