im six kinds of drunk right now
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
