Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
