Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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