My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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