My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
