you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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