watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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