I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
