oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
