She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
