Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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