I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
