I think my vagina is haunted
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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