That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize