Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
