Will you blow on my dice?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
