you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
