Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
