id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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