he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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