just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Sorry my hands just texted you
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
