I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
