Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
