There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
