theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
