He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
