lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
