I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
you would pick up someone in the library
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
