I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
