you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Non-Jews are for practice
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize