that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
