drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
