It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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