Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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