There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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