No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize