there was a trapeze. enough said
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize