I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
so much tequila, so little girl.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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