gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
