and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
