You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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