There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
