His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
