I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
